Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and she was petting her beer can
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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