he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
