How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My ass is underappreciated
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
