I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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