my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
