I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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