i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
