The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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