i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
