I heard we made out
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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