No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I will be naked everywhere
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
