the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
