I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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