I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize