She's JV to your varsity
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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