I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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