Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
