I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
