trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
