It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's the barista slut.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
