I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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