We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
