Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I could fuck to npr.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
