my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize