Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
