Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize