get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize