i think i have herpe
just one?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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