the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
