Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm really busy with my period
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