shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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