Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
