did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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