i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
