I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
