Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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