Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
