Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
