hell yes lets make some ravioli
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
