There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
