My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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