You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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