im drinking this country out of the recession.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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