I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
