we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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