just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
