weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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