Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
