Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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