My brain says no but my pants say off.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
