Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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