This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
