Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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