can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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