Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
