Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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