Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
