His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
