i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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