I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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