You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize