Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
