guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
