I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
