my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
