tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
