I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
