I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
