Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
