you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
