Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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