Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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