Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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