The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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