don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
