he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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