so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
